Boo! The Spooky Reality of Gen-Z Dating

In the spooky season of Halloween, there is no costume Gen-Z loves more than a ghost—or, really, any costume that does not require much effort or commitment. In an increasingly digitalized romantic world, long-term relationships and “I bought you your favorite flowers” battle against “situationships,” and “Let’s just hang out and chill.”

Gen-Z has arguably “redefined what it means to be in a traditional serious, exclusive relationship” according to an opinion piece on the CNN website. Our adoption of terms such as “the three-month rule”, “talking stages” and “love bombing” (to name a few) are only precursors to this new approach to dating. All these labels signal one message: commitment is not the end goal of a Gen-Z relationship.

Non-commitment, ghosting, and breadcrumbing (leading someone on) have also become more acceptable with Gen-Z. According to an article in Psychology Today, ghosting is on the rise, not only in dating but also in the relationship between prospective employers and employees. Ghosting being normalized in the new dating generation has the worst consequences.

The emotional pain of ghosting can translate into actual physical pain, in the form of chest pain, headaches, and nausea. This is due to the connection between emotional and physical pain in our brains. Individuals can feel real confusion, and a lack of closure creates a sense of anxiety and overthinking, leaving people in limbo.

77% of Gen-Zers have ghosted someone, compared to 61% of millennials. In 2023, 35% of Gen-Zers also said that ghosting has made them fed up with dating. This all leads 67% of those who have been ghosted to then ghost others in what is a cyclical emotional pattern, according to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Alexander Alavarado. If someone harms you, you adopt it as a self-defense mechanism and inflict it upon others.

Then there is the worst possible scenario, which has been conceptualized and coined by Gen-Z media: the situationship.

It all starts with the hair-pulling talking stage, which while exciting at first can quickly turn into an anxious spiral. As described in a Glamour article, in this stage you can go out to dinner, develop an emotional connection, and have physical intimacy but, of course, you cannot ask if the person likes you—you’re just “talking”.

The talking stage is the preamble to the situationship, the “We are not dating, but we do everything that a couple would do”. As Logan Ury, director of relationship science at Hinge, explains, we are in a “situationship epidemic” in which people seem unable to be clear about what they are looking for. Put best, a situationship is “an emotional onomatopoeia”. They bring more turmoil than comfort, and at that point, you might as well slap a label on the “relationship”. But that’s just the thing, Gen-Zers are too afraid to.

A lack of communication can lead to a situationship becoming a slippery slope of confusion and even increased loneliness. With no clear barriers or definitions you do not know how to act, and these situationships can last for months, with growing frustration from the one of the two people with the lack of clarity in the “relationship”.

The issue is not if someone does not want to commit, or has different desires for the direction of the relationship. It’s the lack of simple communication to express different relationship desires. Instead of being honest, we choose avoidance, ghosting, and emotional unavailability. For being one of the most outspoken generations in a variety of fields, Gen-Z certainly goes silent when it comes to communicating the bare minimum in relationships. While older generations are getting exposed to situationships and talking stages, their epicenter is with the new generation.

While these Gen-Z dating attributes create a messy reality on their own, social media further exacerbates some of these traits. According to American Psychological Association (APA) studies, social media can benefit relationships by improving communication and connectivity. However, social media can also fuel functional impairments in social interactions, and easily provide an avenue for infidelity, according to an article from Medical News Today. Cheating no longer has to be going to someone’s house and having an affair. It can be liking an Instagram story or a follow request. It became all the easier and concealable.

Likewise, it’s easier to “send kisses to our exes and keep their numbers and their necklace”, as Tate McRae sings, with 70% of young users saying they utilize social media to check up on their exes. According to the same study, 25% of romantically-involved Americans also say that their partner’s social media use has made them jealous or unsure about their relationship. However, it’s not all bad, with 33% of younger adults saying social media is a means to show how much they care about their partner. This demonstrates the opposing uses of social media in current relationships.

This new dating reality is confusing, tiring, and stressful, and makes Gen-Zers dread the unforeseeable feeling of butterflies signaling the start of a crush. The odds of a desired ending are bleak. But, this does not mean all is lost in Gen-Z’s dating culture. Social media can be a wonderful place to draw inspiration and beauty from relationships. New trends such as guys asking “Can I be your boyfriend?” or sweet examples of birthday and Valentine’s Day celebrations can help strengthen relationships.

Aside from social media, the pandemic also impacted Gen-Z’s approach to dating. A 2024 report by Hinge found that Gen-Z is 47% more likely than millennials to be nervous initiating a conversation post-pandemic. 25% of Gen-Zers are also more likely to be less confident on a first date than before the pandemic.

It’s not just a crisis of confidence or some social anxiety cobwebs to shake off. According to Dr. Michael Rosenfeld, a professor of sociology at Stanford University, there is a post-pandemic “dating recession.” Dating has numerically decreased. Many young adults and adolescents lost at least two to three years of dating experience because of the pandemic.

Losing the first years of dating experience created a further disconnect between Gen-Z’s dating reality and previous generations. Therefore, even though Gen-Z may have changed the dating scene for the worse, it may not be our fault or due to social media.

Gen Z and other generations look to their phones and social media for news, answers, outfit inspiration, and online shopping. It’s time to stop adding relationships and situationships to that basket. We live in a world where communication can be the easiest skill to develop. Instead, we are using new forms of communication as methods of detachment and avoidance, and live in greater disconnect than ever before.

Through the creation of new terms and situations and an increased presence of social media dominating romantic connections, Gen-Z’s dating culture is spookier, if not scarier, than ever. It just isn’t as scary as commitment is.